Mom and Dad, you can’t read this entry…

This morning, I gave a lecture on the topic of priapism, which if you don’t know, is a prolonged erec-tion unrelated to se-xual stimulation. The long term outcome if untreated can result in irreversible imp otence. So if you work in an ED where there is no urologist handy, it’s a good thing to know how to treat, and fairly simple as well. So I wanted to pass on the knowledge to my fellow residents in the emergency medicine program, of whom, 19 out of 23 are male. I knew that the topic would also result in a great deal of immature & juvenile jokes and entertainment as well, which was part of my plan for a great presentation! If you’ve seen the Austin Powers “UFO” scene, where a great phal-lic rocket ship rises into orbit while pilots, birdwatchers, little leagers and yes, even WIllie Nelson all comment on it’s phallusness…then you’ll also realize what great fodder Austin Powers is for a presentation of this type.

I began with simply the title slide on my Power Point presentation, “Priapism”, and didn’t have to say a single word for the first 10 minutes of my allotted hour. THe room erupted in laughter, giggles, sarcastic comments, cut downs and overall machismo “mine is bigger than your’s” types of jokes. My plan was working perfectly. I proceeded with an educational lecture regarding the physiology of erec-tions, the pathology of priapism and culminated in a case study of one of my patients who presented after FOUR DAYS of painful erec-tion. Interspersed where several movie clips from the Austin Powers’ films, including the “Swedish Made Pe-nis Enlarger Pump” scene. There were also lessons in Greek and Roman mythology regarding the God Priapus who was born with a member so large that it was said to point behind him. Even sponge bob made an appearance!

INcluded were actual facts on a slide reproduced here, entiteld “erec-tion facts”. [Ed Note: Slide removed due to search engine hits] ‘Smashing, baby’ says Austin as the slide appears on the screen. Overall a resoundingly successful presentation for which I received many complements, and even people who were dissappointed that they were not invited (of course they would have been welcome) when they heard how entertaining it was. Of course, it was the audience that entertained itself, I just presented the facts!