No, the subject line does not refer to gorillas, orangutangs or apes..not even monkeys. It explains why I didn’t get my last hurrah bike ride in yesterday.

I picked up my buddy’s bike and put it on the roof of my car…a freshly rebuilt Gary Fisher Sugar, double suspension, SID front shocks, brand new brakes, bottom bracket and who knows what else he threw on. A nice shiny gary fisher decal on the head tube as well.

We each drove off to setup a car shuttle to turn a potention 30 mile ride into a fun 10 mile ride connecting two different drainage basins in the Roosevelt National Forest, just outside of Rocky Mountain National Park. All of his gear, helmet, camelback, bike, wallet and PHONE were in my car. As he pulls out of the driveway, he yells, If I get lost, come and find me, you’ve got my cell phone! And he’s off. He runs the next yellow light to boot. It’s not like he can start riding without me!

We, he takes the high road and I take the low road and we miss each other on the way back to the shuttle point. I zoom up a 4WD side road and decide he wouldn’t drive any further than this beautiful turnaround point complete with campfire ring, and a beautiful, lush pine tree. So I zoom around the pine tree and make it MOST of the way around when I hear a huge CRACK above my head. Crap. I look up through my sunroom and see a huge pine branch laying on the car. And on the windshield, and on the hood of my car. THere is his bike, proudly standing on my roof getting a big old pine branch hug.

There was so much flex in the pine branch that i had almost driven all the way through it before the brach snapped in two. I got and and wrestled it to the ground off the car, then checked out the bike and roof rack. Still in one piece. I got out my allen wrench and tighted up the roof rack…that seemed to be OK. I check out the bike. Crap. For starters, the decal is torn off. I get out an armor all wipe and see if I can buff out the scratches. Then I pry fresh pine wood out of the allen wrench holes on his brand new stem. Then I notice the cable from the front shock lockout to the handlebars…bent at a 90 degree angle. Crap.

I go find him, we get the bike down and find more damage still…the front brake arm is gently arced backwards…if you didn’t know, you might think it was deliberately engineered that way…but it didn’t match the other side.

So epic bike ride is avoided. We drive down hte mountain, drop the bike off at a shop and spend the next several hours cruising through the mountains…Ward, Nederland, Eldora. Wow…I thought I’d seen beauty before, but in this place, it just doesn’t stop.